Why adopt and other ramblings at 2:00 A.M..

Why Adopt? this is the question that I have sometimes been asked. I have known since I was a little girl that I wanted to become a mommy one day. Honestly, adoption was not something that I have ever considered until a few years ago. I just thought I would live the American dream- get married and have children. Teaching special education over the years there have been many children of different races and nationalities ( a couple in foster care, a couple with not so great home lives) that have touched my heart and I would have "taken home with me" in a heart beat had I been able. I love teaching children but always yearned to have my own that I could come home to at the end of the day. Once I fell in love and married Clinton at the age of 30 I thought that I would finally have my dream. The longer we have been together the more children we have decided that we wanted. We finally decided that we would like to have 4 children - 2 boys and 2 girls. As a couple of years passed it became evident that we would not have 4 biological children. We then decided that we would have 2 biological children and adopt 2 children. We pursued infertiltiy treatments for 4 years ( I won't go into the details). In my head I thought that our biological children would come first. I really wanted to become pregnant and have our first child. Over the past year I entered a sort of "funk" when it came to considering having children. I was feeling a little hopeless in this area and started considering our lives without children. After all, we could live comfortably , love our Lhasa Apso, and travel. This sounded o.k. to me but I would often get sad as I thought about holidays and life in general 20 -30 years from now. Some people have said to me " There are worse things in life than not having children" and " you don't know what you are getting yourself into" and " you don't know how good you have it". Can I just say that these statements DRIVE ME CRAZY!!! I truly believe that every child is a gift from God. Don't get me wrong, I think it is fine to be childless if that is what you choose to do. I don't feel that being a parent is meant for everyone. Becoming a parent is something that I choose to do! I know that being a mommy is far from glamorous and is definitely challenging. I also feel that becoming a parent is a true gift. I am sure that there will be times when I think to myself "why did I want to do this?" However, I can't wait to grow as a peson and most of all share my love. As one brilliant person once wrote in a song ( I won't mention names but lets just say I am married to him) Give, Give, Give it away, love unshared never stays. A life of dirty diapers, toddlers that say "no" and have temper tantrums, sleepless nights , caring for sick children, hours of schoolwork, hours of being a taxi service, dealing with preteens who don't want to be seen in public with me, dealing with teenagers who want to rebel, and working my tail off to pay for college is a life that I choose. I also choose cuddles in the morning, kisses at night, days at the beach, trips to the park, memories at Disney (and every other theme park in Southern Ca), playing dress up, the thrills of learning new things, family dinners, holidays, watching babies turn into children, children into young adults, etc.... I choose it all! The good , the bad, and the ugly! So, going back to my original question before I started rambling. Why Adopt? It is no longer important to me to have biological children. What is important is that I get to experience the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have a lot of love to share. October 29, 2006 is a day that changed my life forever. It is on this day that God had a little talk with me and put International Adoption into my heart. Point Blank. I know that God will give us the child we were meant to have. As far as having 4 children? We are no longer "attached". It will be what it will be. I am just staying out of it and leaving it up to God!