Well after much soul searching we have decided to pursue a domestic adoption! We will revisit Guatemala in a year or two when things have settled down. It feels great to have committed to " a plan". I feel very comfortable with the attorney we will be using. I had a very good conversation with the attorneys wife. I know that my principal really trusts him. She got her 2 children from him and I have learned that she has also referred several other teachers to him who have gotten children.
We actually got a phone call from his office yesterday ( mind you we haven't even submitted our paperwork yet. )Like I said, I had a very good conversation with his wife and she got some basic info from me. They couldn't reach me yesterday so they tracked down Clinton's number from our Home study agency. It seems they were getting ready to go into a meeting with a birth mom ( who is due next week) and thought we might make good candidates as the adoptive parents! Clinton quickly faxed a bio sheet and picture of us. Talk about fast! I was in shock when Clinton gave me the news over the phone after school ( the meeting was in process as we were talking). The thought of bringing home a newborn as early as next week! It turns out it was a false alarm. The 16 year old girl was there at the insistence of her parents. She actually is not interested in adoption but her parents want her to keep her options open. Still, it was a very intense and exciting hour or so! It just shows me the difference in international and domestic adoption ( which I am not sure is a pro or a con). When adopting from Guatemala it is kind of like being pregnant because you have an estimated "due date" and you have time to mentally and physically prepare. With domestic adoption you can have a due date or it can happen at any time! This very same case happened to 2 other teachers my principal referred. One decided to take the baby and the other decided that she was not ready to bring home twins with 2 days notice ( she also had just completed her home study). They are both very happy parents today!
With all of this said, Clinton and I came up with a plan during dinner last night. We discussed how we would handle the situation if we got "the call" and he was out of town and what we could do to start preparing.This weekend we will go and purchase some basics - bottles, diapers, sleepers, bassinet, etc.. just in case we do get a call. We will not set up an official nursery because now we don't know what the sex of the baby will be. I will feel more comfortable setting up the nursery once the baby is actually home ( birthmoms can still change their minds until they relinquish the baby over to the agency). Anyway, we have lots of planning to do as the "big day" could very well be sooner than later! I will keep you posted.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
What to Do?
What to do? This is the question that has been waying heavily on my mind and heart all weekend. Just when I think I have made a decision , I change my mind again! I have been checking out the Guatadopt message boards and it seems to me that things are not looking so good for someone who hasn't even completed their dossier yet ( although we are 90% complete). Some people are not seeing their babies home until after their 1st birthday. There are risks with both international and domestic adoptions I know. What I think about is 5 years from now. Will it really matter how our child got here? I don't think so. I guess what I am thinking about is "What is the least painless way I can become a mother?" I think the answer to this question is There is no painless way to becoming a mother! including the old fashioned way!
If we change our minds and do a domestic adoption it almost feels like I am "giving up" or "quiting". Giving up what I am not sure. However, at the moment I feel the best choice for us is to pursue a domestic adoption and adopt from Guatemala in a year or two when things settle down ( at least I will be a pro at the dossier by then!) I just can't seem to give up the idea all together of adopting from Guatemala. We still have some issues to discuss like how we want to proceed - closed or open adoption. How much contact if any do we want with the birth mother? We are still waiting to get the paperwork from the attorneys office so we can really familiarize ourselves with the process. If we are comfortable with it all then we will proceed with the domestic adoption. I am committing that we will have a solid answer by Friday evening on what we want to do. We will be 100% certain by Friday - then we will proceed full force! Watch out! We will then be on a definite road to parenthood no matter what!
If we change our minds and do a domestic adoption it almost feels like I am "giving up" or "quiting". Giving up what I am not sure. However, at the moment I feel the best choice for us is to pursue a domestic adoption and adopt from Guatemala in a year or two when things settle down ( at least I will be a pro at the dossier by then!) I just can't seem to give up the idea all together of adopting from Guatemala. We still have some issues to discuss like how we want to proceed - closed or open adoption. How much contact if any do we want with the birth mother? We are still waiting to get the paperwork from the attorneys office so we can really familiarize ourselves with the process. If we are comfortable with it all then we will proceed with the domestic adoption. I am committing that we will have a solid answer by Friday evening on what we want to do. We will be 100% certain by Friday - then we will proceed full force! Watch out! We will then be on a definite road to parenthood no matter what!
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Having second thoughts!
We received some bad news from our adoption agency today. It seems that the US State Department has put out a warning about adoptions from Guatemala. They have found that Guatemalan babies are being smuggled into the US illegally, babies are being taken away from their parents illegally, they have found fradulant DNA tests,etc.. The US State Department recommends that anyone considering Guatemala should look at different options. I have heard all of the above mentioned before. However, the part that worries me the most is the statement they made about adoptions taking longer or maybe even not happening at all.They are calling adoptions from Guatemala uncertain and volatile.I know that other people adopting from Guatemala right now are having a hard time getting through PGN ( Guatemalan Courts). They are making it exceedingly difficult right now for parents to take home their children. Is it only going to get worse? I am not sure if I could take the heartbreak right now of getting a referral and having it drag out for months or even years. My heart and prayers go out to all the people right now who are just waiting to get through PGN. The director of our adoption agency is in meetings right now in Guatemala. They will give us more info as they receive it. I truly trust our agency and know that they are ethical and not involved in any of the illegal activities. However, we are still left with the question - What should we do? As soon as I received the e-mail I immediately started conteplating our options. The one thing I know for 100% sure is that we WILL become parents. Our options are 1. take the "wait and see approach" and see what happens with Guatemala. 2. Talk to our adoption agency about other countries ( China is the only other country I know that we are eligible for because Clinton is not a U.S. citizen) 3. consider a domestic adoption instead of intercountry adoption.
I began doing research on option number #3. As I mentioned before my principal has 2 adopted children. Today I called her adoption attorney who she highly recommends ( he has been doing adoptions since the 1950's and even helped create some of the adoption laws). I explained our situation to his wife ( who works for him). She said," I wished you would have called last week. We had a baby that was full latin american that we had to place outside our agency" It seems that most people who want to adopt do not want " 100% latin american" babies. This statement made me very sad! I talked with her more and it turns out they use the same homestudy agency that we are using. She seemed to think that as soon as we got our homestudy complete and "a few other pieces of other paperwork" that we could be eligible for a referral. She said that if we were open to receiving a latin american baby ( obviously we are since we were going for Guatemala for goodness sakes) that it probably would not take very long at all. I called our social worker - (which by the way we had our final meeting yesterday but found out that we are still missing one of our references so we still don't have the report. The report is complete she is just waiting for the last reference.) to see what the difference would be between an intercountry and domestic adoption homestudy. She said she just had to change the format and we would need to fill out a couple of different documents and it would not be a big deal.
Today's events has me really thinking about what to do. The pros of doing a domestic adoption would be 1. we would be able to adopt a newborn (less worries about attachment). 2. we would not have to go through all the turmoil of not knowing if the adoption would make it through PGN 3. we could probably get a baby sooner than later.4. in the long run it is actually cheaper. The cons of doing a domestic adoption would be 1. We would probably be out our agency fee that we paid ( approximately $5,000) 2. although the way the attorney handles the adoptions it is rare , but the birth mom could always change her mind. 3. we are uncertain when we would actually receive a referral. The wait can still be between a couple of months to a couple of years because the birth mom has to pick us ( which is why I was adverse to domestic adoptions in the first place) I knew with intercountry adoptions you are pretty much guaranteed a referral once you are considered "paper ready".
I am actually thankful that we received this news sooner than later. It has been frustrating up to this point because of all the little road blocks that we have encountered compiling our Dossier. Maybe this is God's way of telling us to be wary. We will wait to see what the director of our agency finds out before we make any decisions. Please pray for us that we make the right decision! I will keep you posted.
I began doing research on option number #3. As I mentioned before my principal has 2 adopted children. Today I called her adoption attorney who she highly recommends ( he has been doing adoptions since the 1950's and even helped create some of the adoption laws). I explained our situation to his wife ( who works for him). She said," I wished you would have called last week. We had a baby that was full latin american that we had to place outside our agency" It seems that most people who want to adopt do not want " 100% latin american" babies. This statement made me very sad! I talked with her more and it turns out they use the same homestudy agency that we are using. She seemed to think that as soon as we got our homestudy complete and "a few other pieces of other paperwork" that we could be eligible for a referral. She said that if we were open to receiving a latin american baby ( obviously we are since we were going for Guatemala for goodness sakes) that it probably would not take very long at all. I called our social worker - (which by the way we had our final meeting yesterday but found out that we are still missing one of our references so we still don't have the report. The report is complete she is just waiting for the last reference.) to see what the difference would be between an intercountry and domestic adoption homestudy. She said she just had to change the format and we would need to fill out a couple of different documents and it would not be a big deal.
Today's events has me really thinking about what to do. The pros of doing a domestic adoption would be 1. we would be able to adopt a newborn (less worries about attachment). 2. we would not have to go through all the turmoil of not knowing if the adoption would make it through PGN 3. we could probably get a baby sooner than later.4. in the long run it is actually cheaper. The cons of doing a domestic adoption would be 1. We would probably be out our agency fee that we paid ( approximately $5,000) 2. although the way the attorney handles the adoptions it is rare , but the birth mom could always change her mind. 3. we are uncertain when we would actually receive a referral. The wait can still be between a couple of months to a couple of years because the birth mom has to pick us ( which is why I was adverse to domestic adoptions in the first place) I knew with intercountry adoptions you are pretty much guaranteed a referral once you are considered "paper ready".
I am actually thankful that we received this news sooner than later. It has been frustrating up to this point because of all the little road blocks that we have encountered compiling our Dossier. Maybe this is God's way of telling us to be wary. We will wait to see what the director of our agency finds out before we make any decisions. Please pray for us that we make the right decision! I will keep you posted.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Follies from the classroom
As I teacher I encounter many funny moments. Students say and do the funniest things. I have said for years that I would love to write a book. A student said something today that cracked me up, so I thought I would share a couple of my favorite "follies" from the past month or two.
-Today in my afterschool class one of my second graders was whining that he didn't want to do his math. I explained to him that by doing his work he was making his brain grow by building dendrites. He looked at me with a serious face and said "But I don't want to be Ivan Einstein" ( I don't think he has to worry - at least for the moment.)
- Last month a teacher friend of mine was discussing Martin Luther King. She told the students that they didn't have to come to school on Monday because we were celebrating someone. She asked the students if anyone knew who they were celebrating. One very enthusiastic student raised her hand eager to share. "I know she says - Don King". ( well uh.... no)
- A couple of weeks ago I was meeting with a student one on one. Out of the blue she tells me with excitement - Mrs. Swaine, you smell like my friend . ( I didn't even want to touch this one but simply said, oh really?) Yeah, she said and she thought for a moment. I think you smell like peppermint and puppies. ( I guess this is a compliment coming from an 8 year old)
- We recently got a new first grade teacher who is Japanese - her name is Mrs. Hokonohara. We made some changes with students because of the new teacher. I asked the students to tell me the name of their "homeroom" teacher ( just so I could confirm - we have 200 first graders and it is hard to keep up with everyone). One student very proudly told me that his teachers name is Mrs. Kokonomoro.( well, good try)
and finally... one of my favorites from last year.
- We have a very culturally diverse school .We have students from just about everywhere in the world. The 5th graders have to take a physical fitness test in the spring. The teacher was having them fill in their own bubble sheets. One of the questions was about ethnicity. Many of the students were not quite sure what to mark. One student has a mother from Ethiopia and a father from Poland. She asked "what do I mark?" the teacher told her to mark whatever she wanted but suggested she mark "African American". The students best friend chimes up ( who is totally Caucasian) and says - my mom is from South Africa and my father is from Ireland,does that mean that I am African American too? ( good point)
-Today in my afterschool class one of my second graders was whining that he didn't want to do his math. I explained to him that by doing his work he was making his brain grow by building dendrites. He looked at me with a serious face and said "But I don't want to be Ivan Einstein" ( I don't think he has to worry - at least for the moment.)
- Last month a teacher friend of mine was discussing Martin Luther King. She told the students that they didn't have to come to school on Monday because we were celebrating someone. She asked the students if anyone knew who they were celebrating. One very enthusiastic student raised her hand eager to share. "I know she says - Don King". ( well uh.... no)
- A couple of weeks ago I was meeting with a student one on one. Out of the blue she tells me with excitement - Mrs. Swaine, you smell like my friend . ( I didn't even want to touch this one but simply said, oh really?) Yeah, she said and she thought for a moment. I think you smell like peppermint and puppies. ( I guess this is a compliment coming from an 8 year old)
- We recently got a new first grade teacher who is Japanese - her name is Mrs. Hokonohara. We made some changes with students because of the new teacher. I asked the students to tell me the name of their "homeroom" teacher ( just so I could confirm - we have 200 first graders and it is hard to keep up with everyone). One student very proudly told me that his teachers name is Mrs. Kokonomoro.( well, good try)
and finally... one of my favorites from last year.
- We have a very culturally diverse school .We have students from just about everywhere in the world. The 5th graders have to take a physical fitness test in the spring. The teacher was having them fill in their own bubble sheets. One of the questions was about ethnicity. Many of the students were not quite sure what to mark. One student has a mother from Ethiopia and a father from Poland. She asked "what do I mark?" the teacher told her to mark whatever she wanted but suggested she mark "African American". The students best friend chimes up ( who is totally Caucasian) and says - my mom is from South Africa and my father is from Ireland,does that mean that I am African American too? ( good point)
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Homestudy Update
Well it looks like we may not receive our homestudy on Valentines Day as we thought. A few days ago we found out that Clinton has to go to England on Monday. I have a message in to our social worker to see if he has to be present or if I can sign off on it. I have a feeling we might have to postpone it a week. I keep telling myself that we keep running into these little road blocks because if everything did not happen exactly the way it is then we would not get the baby we were meant to have. I just have to trust in God's master plan!
On the brighter side, I did receive Clinton's documents from Australia. They are now on their way to the Guatamalan Embassy in Japan to get authenticated. They said that it only takes a couple of days to process them, so hopefully I will receive them late next week or early the following week.
Clinton and I went to get several documents notarized last week. We are just missing a few last pieces before we can send everything off to get autheticated and Great Sealed. Wow will I be glad when this dossier is complete! I just wonder - did Madonna and Angelina Jolie go through this?
On the brighter side, I did receive Clinton's documents from Australia. They are now on their way to the Guatamalan Embassy in Japan to get authenticated. They said that it only takes a couple of days to process them, so hopefully I will receive them late next week or early the following week.
Clinton and I went to get several documents notarized last week. We are just missing a few last pieces before we can send everything off to get autheticated and Great Sealed. Wow will I be glad when this dossier is complete! I just wonder - did Madonna and Angelina Jolie go through this?
Sunday, February 4, 2007
From the Mouth of Babes
This past week I " let the cat out of the bag" that we are adopting to some of my students. I teach a math class of 4th and 5th graders who are mostly girls. They are very curious at this age. I have a picture board up in my room that has pictures of family , friends, and Annabelle. They have noticed that there are no children in the pictures and have asked me in the past " Why don't you have any children?" I have always managed to dodge the subject. Some how the subject came up again last week. This time I let them know that soon I would have a baby ( they automatically thought I was pregnant). I explained to them that we were adopting a baby from Guatemala. You should have heard the screams and the excitement ( being 4th grade girls they can also be very dramatic at this age). They were very interested in the process. Some of the comments and questions I got was " Where is Guatemala?" ( I turned this one in to a geography lesson), "Why are you adopting?" ( because this is what we have chosen to do), "Will you adopt me?" ( No, I don't think your parents would like that very much), " Are you still going to teach after you get the baby?" ( I don't know yet we will see), and every story about adoption that they could remember. They were fascinated with the whole idea. An hour later I was having lunch with my principal and she said " Have you told your kids that you are adopting?" Wow! that didn't take long. One of them had gone straight to her and told her how excited she was for me. I have to admit this warmed my heart. The next day, this student came into my room and said "Close your eyes I have a surprise for you". She made me a congratulations card. I was very touched and close to tears. I told her that it was the first congratulations card that I received and I would put the card in Ella's memory book. Kids have such a way of touching my heart every single day! Like the old saying goes- from the mouth of babes. Children are born with a natural curiosity and a pure heart. If we as adults could keep that curiosity and pure heart I have no doubt that there would be no crime, hatred, racism or war. The world would be a much better place to live.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
An Ode to a Princess
As promised here is the poem that Clinton gave me for my birthday. He is so sweet!
CUTE: An Ode to a Princess
Oh Sweetest love, with a heart of gold,
I’m yours forever, I’m totally sold
Your smile so bright, it lights the room
Like the sun shining at noon
You’re elegant, beautiful and full of grace,
Everything you touch leaves your trace
Of magic, joy, love and peace
My love for you will never cease
On a chairlift or watching whales
You are so cute it never fails
Down the beach or at a dinner for two
Your cuteness always shines right through
You are a princess, an angel and the light
Touching everyone within your sight
Everyone falls in love with you
Because you are pure, kind and true
I’m so grateful that to be with you
To spend time together, each day anew
To wake each day with you around
Watching you wear your magical crown
Your crown of beauty. So cute you are
Everything you do you are a star
How proud I am to watch you grow
Preparing to be a mother you do go
You will be an awesome mum
Giving, sharing and having fun
Ella Rose will be just like you
Too cute for words with cute little bows
Together you will be an unstoppable team
Your smiles will shine wide and beam
Peace for you on the life you dream
Bliss and joy and living extreme
Just know in the depths of your heart
I love you more each day that I start
Your are my princess. A jewel that’s rare.
Your so large Ella and I can share!!!!
CUTE: An Ode to a Princess
Oh Sweetest love, with a heart of gold,
I’m yours forever, I’m totally sold
Your smile so bright, it lights the room
Like the sun shining at noon
You’re elegant, beautiful and full of grace,
Everything you touch leaves your trace
Of magic, joy, love and peace
My love for you will never cease
On a chairlift or watching whales
You are so cute it never fails
Down the beach or at a dinner for two
Your cuteness always shines right through
You are a princess, an angel and the light
Touching everyone within your sight
Everyone falls in love with you
Because you are pure, kind and true
I’m so grateful that to be with you
To spend time together, each day anew
To wake each day with you around
Watching you wear your magical crown
Your crown of beauty. So cute you are
Everything you do you are a star
How proud I am to watch you grow
Preparing to be a mother you do go
You will be an awesome mum
Giving, sharing and having fun
Ella Rose will be just like you
Too cute for words with cute little bows
Together you will be an unstoppable team
Your smiles will shine wide and beam
Peace for you on the life you dream
Bliss and joy and living extreme
Just know in the depths of your heart
I love you more each day that I start
Your are my princess. A jewel that’s rare.
Your so large Ella and I can share!!!!
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