What to Do?

What to do? This is the question that has been waying heavily on my mind and heart all weekend. Just when I think I have made a decision , I change my mind again! I have been checking out the Guatadopt message boards and it seems to me that things are not looking so good for someone who hasn't even completed their dossier yet ( although we are 90% complete). Some people are not seeing their babies home until after their 1st birthday. There are risks with both international and domestic adoptions I know. What I think about is 5 years from now. Will it really matter how our child got here? I don't think so. I guess what I am thinking about is "What is the least painless way I can become a mother?" I think the answer to this question is There is no painless way to becoming a mother! including the old fashioned way!

If we change our minds and do a domestic adoption it almost feels like I am "giving up" or "quiting". Giving up what I am not sure. However, at the moment I feel the best choice for us is to pursue a domestic adoption and adopt from Guatemala in a year or two when things settle down ( at least I will be a pro at the dossier by then!) I just can't seem to give up the idea all together of adopting from Guatemala. We still have some issues to discuss like how we want to proceed - closed or open adoption. How much contact if any do we want with the birth mother? We are still waiting to get the paperwork from the attorneys office so we can really familiarize ourselves with the process. If we are comfortable with it all then we will proceed with the domestic adoption. I am committing that we will have a solid answer by Friday evening on what we want to do. We will be 100% certain by Friday - then we will proceed full force! Watch out! We will then be on a definite road to parenthood no matter what!